Sunday, October 16, 2005

GOP Special Report: "Jean Schmidt really does stink."

Columbus Ohio - An advance copy of a report entitled "Post-Election Analysis of the OH-02 Congressional Race" commissioned by Ohio Republican Party Chairman Robert T. Bennett was obtained by The Mockingbird late last night.

The report, some 78 pages in length, attempts to explain why Jean Schmidt fared so poorly in the August 2nd General Election against new Democratic Poster Boy Paul Hackett.  Special GOP investigators scoured election reports and interviewed scores of people, including Schmidt's campaign staff, campaign manager Joe "Dean of Corn" Braun, and a number of Republican activists across the district.  

Perhaps most telling, however, was a quote from farmer Timothy Powell, a resident of Brown County and longtime GOP activist:

"Heck.  Jean Schmidt?  She sucks.  She's horrible.  The scarecrow in my tomato garden's got more going for it than that wrinkly-faced sack-a-bones."

To be sure, the GOP investigators didn't stop with Old Man Powell's tobacco-spit-punctuated diatrabe against Schmidt.  But they would have saved a lot of time and effort had they done so.

Among other features of the report was a brief outline of excuses offered by the Schmidt campaign staff:

"Winning the primary really just caught us by surprise, as it did so many of the voters.  We just weren't prepared."
- Joe "Dean of Corn" Braun

"The demands on Jean's time were so great that I couldn't actually do all of Jean's public speaking for her, as I normally do.  And since Jean is SO lousy at it, well, you can just imagine the problems that resulted.  I mean, did you see the debates where Hackett just creamed her?  It was awful, just awful."
- Schmidt's twin sister Jennifer Black

"The Clermont County elections people are obviously in our back pocket.  But we had a very tough time convincing those folks in the eastern counties to stay with us in the general election.  Without people you can count on to stuff the ballots and disqualify the votes of our opponents, it's much tougher.  Those hicks out east, they're such shallow people.  They base their support on how a candidate looks, and so of course Schmidt didn’t do so well out there.  It was near impossible to buy off some of those folks like we do in Corrupt Clermont.”
– Tim Rudd, Clermont County GOP

“I think there is some truth to what Tim is saying.  I mean, I put on my own military costume and stood under the blades of one of those Vietnam-era whirlybird thingies to  show support for Jean.  But apparently those hicks in the eastern counties don’t like the fact that I have the facial features of an emaciated rodent.  They’re so shallow.”
–Danny Bubp

“It took a whole lot of jawin’ from the Schmidt folks before I finally decided to do the right thing – to do my Republican duty and support the winner of the primary.  So I did my part those last two weeks, and I think I figured it out.  The whole campaign was infected with the John Kerry Presidential Campaign Syndrome:  You know you stand a chance to win, as long as the candidate stays in hiding.  But that’s the trouble.  Schmidt kept showing up at campaign events and opening her mouth about ethanol and other crap that real conservatives don’t care about.  I tried to organize an effort to duct-tape her mouth shut and toss her in the trunk of my car, but the ‘Dean of Corn’ wouldn’t have it.”  
-Bill Herdmann, former Brown County GOP official

The report also examined the special circumstances surrounding the special election, but dismissed Schmidt’s attempted explanation that “statistics overwhelmingly prove that Democrats go on vacation in July, while Republicans vacation in August.”

The final paragraph of the report is perhaps it’s most scathing.  It is reprinted here, verbatim:

In conclusion, blame for this pathetic showing must be laid squarely at the feet of Jean Schmidt herself.  She is perceived as a moderate willing to compromise core conservative principles.  

Her recent congressional vote on the Child Safety Act of 2005 is a perfect illustration of her willingness to compromise core conservative values when it wasn’t necessary.  In that case, she supported the Child Safety Act despite the fact that other RINOs in Congress had tacked on gay rights legislation.  Sadly, Schmidt  could have stood up, said NO and acted like a leader.  Instead, she is all too content to bring up the rear of a Republican Congress which still doesn’t understand that we Republicans WON the election last year.  

Schmidt was virtually non-existent in the primary, and only slipped in due to vote splitting by other, similar candidates.  As a result, most conservative voters in the district didn’t know much about her until late-July.  By then, it was all too obvious that she was an ethanol-pushing tool of the Bob Taft-Columbus Republican Party – our party.  And voters in the Second District don’t like RINOs, especially RINO politicians like Jean Schmidt, who really does stink.

The report will not be made available to the general public, because the Ohio GOP prefers to protect weak incumbents rather than fix the problem with legitimate conservative candidates who understand how to act like the majority party in power.

The Schmidt campaign was contacted and provided the following written response:

As a young girl growing up on my farm in Ohio, I spent many hours churning corn into ethanol, and it's very hard work.  Many times, the corn didn't turn to ethanol at all, and my father had to fuel his race car with powdered corn meal instead of ethanol, but he was still out there racing and trying his best.  I believe this report from the Ohio GOP is no different.  I'm like a race car with a fuel tank full of corn meal.  And no matter how underpowered I might be as a candidate, I'm still going to race.  Who knows...maybe if McEwen drops out of the Senate race and challenges me along WITH Tom Brinkman, the two will split the vote once more!      


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never seen a weaker candidate. Love your blog. Keep up the good work.

October 18, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry. You'll see one if Brinkman runs.

October 18, 2005  
Blogger Patrick said...

I'm feeling ya baby. I hope someone like him does toss his hat into the ring.

October 18, 2005  
Blogger Patrick said...

From the sound of things, he IS going to run...

October 18, 2005  

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