Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Schmidt's "Liberal Image Enhancement Service"

Batavia, OH - Are you an obscure, unknown, or hopelessly insignificant liberal politician? Do you know someone who is? If so, you need the Jean Schmidt "Liberal Image Enhancement Service" (L.I.E.S).

What is L.I.E.S.? Simply put, Jean Schmidt's L.I.E.S. program is a new offering from the woman herself, and she guarantees that her "clients" will go from relative obscurity to nationally known liberal hero in less time than it takes to destroy Rob Portman's conservative legacy.

Notable beneficiaries of Jean Schmidt's L.I.E.S. are Democratic Senate Candidate Paul Hackett, Congressman and War Hero John Murtha, and even Republican Marine Colonel Danny Bubp.

"You don't have to be a liberal to feel the impact of Jean's L.I.E.S. program," said Marine Colonel Danny Bubp. "The service works fast too! One afternoon, I picked up the phone and called Jean. Later that same night, my phone was ringing off the hook! Jean's L.I.E.S. really work."

Click to enlarge image.

Another client, Paul Hackett, was a wacko liberal trial lawyer without any hope of political success before he met Jean Schmidt. Now, he's a hero to liberals across the country, appearing on programs like Hardball with Chris Matthews and the Bill Moyer show on HBO.

"Before I met Jean, I was an unknown trial lawyer. Thanks to Jean's L.I.E.S. program, I'm a Marine Corps war hero and a serious player in Ohio politics! I owe my political career to Jean's L.I.E.S."

Yet another liberal, Congressman John Murtha, was an obscure Democrat in the House of Representatives - now, he too is nationally known as a Marine War Hero.

"Without Jean's L.I.E.S. I'd still be twiddling my thumbs as an insignificant bit player in the House. Now, I'm one of the top Democratic fundraisers and a household name. A bit more of Jean's L.I.E.S. and we Democrats might retake the House AND Senate. I could be majority whip, and I'll owe it all to Jean's L.I.E.S.!"

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